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Talking to Myself

Reading about people's kindness has left me a new feeling - feeling of a must to forgive people and have a kind heart - no matter how life treats you.

I even couldn't count how many times did I repeat the words of 'forgiving' people who had put me down and how many times did I try to do good to the said people. Yes, I succeed in treating the said people as good as I can, but deep in my heart I know that there's something unsettled inside.

The pain and the scars are still there. Until now, I couldn't heal my phobias towards certain situation. Whenever I face almost similar situation as before, I feel afraid that the story and mistakes will be repeated.

Only Allah knows how much I force myself to stand up again, after several of falling down and frustrated. Only He knows how I force myself to put my trust on people again and try to act as normal. It's very very difficult for me.

I really hope that this Ramadan will be a turning point for me to be a better person, to really forgive the person who betrayed me and to live my life to the fullest. It is because I want to leave this world in peace, so that I can meet Allah bringing a pure heart. I want to rest in peace.

Please forgive me for all my wrongdoings to you. May Allah bless us all. Ameen...



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